Droogs
by Chaz01
Summary: Big note, this is existentialism at it’s best and nihilism at it’s worst… The literary term is theater of the absurd… Waiting for Gadot is an example, so if it seems weird and pointless, it is meant to be… It is also supposed to be funny… let


Lights come on to people seated at a table. The table has a pamphlet, salt and pepper and a napkin holder. There are four chairs. Two trays on which food would logically go sit in front of 2 chairs, though there is no food on the plates on the trays. The stage is bare other then this table.  
  
Two sit at the table, one wearing a three peace suit and tie. He wears a boler and is entranced by a book he is reading, which should be about the size of an unabridged dictionary. He arbitrarily and quickly flips from front to back and then back again.  
  
The other, wears pj and bunny slippers. He clumsily holds chop sticks, using them to grab at the air on the plate, brings the sticks to his mouth, look down at his top, brush himself off as if he had spilled food, and repeats. Nothing happens for several seconds  
  
Mike( frustrated); I can't use these infernal devices. None of it gets to where it is meant to go... I am going to surly starve  
  
John( not listening); right...  
  
Mike; Yea, waste away to nothing, ashes to ashes, as the saying goes. But where it goes to I can't be sure. In any case they will find nothing but a pile of nothing where I sit, wearing my cloths  
  
John( looks up from book for first time); you can't have a pile of nothing  
  
Mike; Why not? It is a number, after all... I can have a one pile or two or seven, why not nothing?  
  
John; It doesn't work that way... Look, nothing is like saying no-thing, how can you have a pile of no-thing?  
  
Mike; Not so, not so, not so... Obviously if they meant no thing, they would say no thing, not nothing. Why would you mince words like that  
  
John; that is like saying doghouse is different then dog ( makes a hyphen in the air) house. It is the same thing  
  
Mike; No, doghouse is where a dog resides, it is the animals natural environment  
  
John; No. That can't be a dog's natural environment... Though... give me a moment to tell you why....  
  
Mike; Well, dog (hyphen in air) house is where I am with her...  
  
John; Who?  
  
Mike; Sue  
  
John; Who is Sue  
  
Mike; Don't you know?!?! I hoped you did, I can't recall... why did you bring up Sue  
  
John; Which Sue?  
  
Mike; There are more then one? How do they know if they are Sue or if they are merely the reflection of the real Sue? What is the essential Sueness that sets them apart and yet, simultaneously, links them under the name Sue  
  
John; Shakespeare said ' What is in a name' or something like it...  
  
Mike; Well, obviously everything.( gets progressively more upset as speech continues) Look if we all start calling things arbitrarily, then well we will all be confused. Things are named based off properties but there must be one linking property all those things share. I mean, why call it by that name if it isn't the same as the other things also called by that name. But, conversely and inversely, there is a large difference between a bat and a penguin and yet they are both birds. So then we know there is a commonality but then, there are differences, so what does a name really do? But I would tell you it allows us to identify that which is and distinguish it from that which isn't. Which is to say, it lets us make sense of things...  
  
John; I am more interested in dollars then sense myself. There is a fly in the soup of your reasoning, but I need a few moments to find it... In the mean time, why is it that you.... What is it... We were speaking of something, yes?  
  
Mike: Can we speak of anything other than something?  
  
John; Is that a statement on your part?  
  
Mike( shifts nervously in chair); I am hesitant to state anything that I am not sure is true...  
  
John; What do you mean by true? DO you mean not a lie because you can make sure that you don't lie to me, can you not?  
  
Mike; No, true in the real sense. True... Well, the true... The truth of the matter about the true is that it is always not false. It is a definitive statement on the nature of reality  
  
John; Relative to humans or to something else? Because if it isn't relative to humans, then what is your base and if you can use something not human, how does it work?  
  
Mike; It is relative to nothing, it is real...  
  
John; I don't follow, can you give an example?  
  
Mike; I... Damn it man I am not a philosopher I am something other than that... Plato said that it was a Form so I will go with that...  
  
John; Ahh, right right right... The object that casts the shadow on the cave... But when if... if we can't know what casts the shadows, how do we know they aren't as real as the things?  
  
Mike; Just shut up... I am hungry and going to eat my food now. ( begins to look around and under and through tray, searching for something... after several seconds of searching, crosses himself and begins the chop stick eating again)  
  
John; Why did you do that?  
  
Mike ( focused on food); Do what? What now?  
  
John; You crossed yourself, why?  
  
Mike; What do you mean, I am not cross with you at all...  
  
John; no, that is not it at all... You initiated a prayer with a religious symbol. Why did you do such a thing  
  
Mike; Really, I did?? No fooling? Well which kind was it?  
  
John; I would assume Christ- like or whatever the religion is... Look you made the gesture, not me. Why should I know what it means...  
  
Mike; I um... well I guess I believe in god  
  
John; Say again..  
  
Mike( louder); I believe in God  
  
John; Why do something like that?  
  
Mike; I have no reason not to and I find it comforts me  
  
John; I don't see how a being who throws down lightening from Olympus is a comfort.  
  
Mike; Not what I mean. You mean god, I mean G-d. There is a difference between god and G-d that any 2 year old can see  
  
( note G-d and god are to be said the same way... There is no difference)  
  
John; How do you know  
  
Mike; Have you got a 2 year old  
  
John ( Looks around for several seconds); No. apparently not, I thought I did but  
  
Mike; Here's an example. Bat and bat mean 2 different things and are spelled differently, bat meaning a stage of vampire and bat as in a thing you hit other people with. Now obviously it would be hard for you to use a vampire to hit things and, conversely, I have never heard of a bat drinking blood. So the truth is in the spelling, the proof in the pudding and the devil in the detail. Do you follow, or should I give you a logical abstraction  
  
John; I always thought that bat and bat were spelled the same way. I now see the error of my ways and means, committee that is. So what does G-d and god differ  
  
Mike; I lost Aquinas awhile back, he went for some food and disappeared. I can't answer that question. My friend dreamt of his and tea once and she said that he said there was a difference between the 2, so I will but my faith in her  
  
John; Why?  
  
Mike; You have to have faith in something and she is conveniently real  
  
John; If she is real, then she can't not be real, correct?  
  
Mike; Yes...  
  
John; and if she is real, then she is always real, that comes from the aforementioned statement, correct  
  
Mike; I follow you, and fear you are lost. For when the blind lead the blind, the three kittens lose mittens...  
  
John; Well she obviously does not exist any longer, for neither of us perceive her. So she was not real and your faith was ill placed  
  
Mike ( yelling); No!!! Just because I can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there...  
  
John; No need to yell, look, people are staring at us now... ( they both worriedly look about)  
  
Mike; Quick, say something normal so they stop staring...  
  
John; Like what?  
  
Mike( yelling); I don't know like what... What do people talk about...  
  
John; Well... Um ( searching for something to discuss)... My neuroscience book said that it was an area called the penal glad that housed the soul... Descartes used the computers and nanotechnology of the day to prove it and, subsequently, disprove other ideas that were floating about at that time. This was, of course, in accord with most modern day theories, though some will be so bold as to say that the hypothalamus is at the base of the right foot, not in the optical illusion center. This is why he developed analectic geometry and sociality, they were both means to ends. Though the ends were lost in the fire of Alixandrea, I think... So there is no reason to assume his ends were the same as his means and some would say that the shoe was on the other foot. Of course the shoe had lots of soul and the planets go around sole so one can deduce that the causes of reality are solely his fault. His being the demon that makes logic work... Now some wood is used for trees to make this point... These, Descartes extremist are often in the minority, the majority being... Which is a shame because their party platform is the nicest and best made, being built on the rock, in accord with the teachings of Yasha. Contraire to your belief though, the rock didn't land on them, they... Well it is far more complex then your average cartoon leads you to believe.  
  
Mike; What else did Descartes say or do  
  
John; Is there a difference, for him to say something isn't he doing something?  
  
Mike; Maybe... In any case what was that saying of his  
  
John; I think therefore I am, I believe  
  
Mike; Are you sure? I thought it was I am not a crook or 4 score and some odd time unites ago.  
  
John; No, there is a really old joke that Descartes walked into a bar and the keeper  
  
Mike; Why is he in the bar?  
  
John; Who?  
  
Mike; Descartes  
  
John( angry); I don't know, does it matter?!  
  
Mike; It's your joke, you tell me.  
  
John; now your just being difficult  
  
Mike( infuriated); Not so!! How can I be anything other than what I am now??  
  
John( made but controlled); Anyways he orders a drink and then orders another one and then sits for a long time  
  
Mike; How long  
  
John; let's call it a flanlksacrt  
  
Mike; What is that? That is so arbitrary  
  
John; Not so, there are 5.3456321 spognsog in a flanlksacrt, so there... In any case, after the appointed time, the Keeper asks how bout another and Descartes says I think not and vanishes  
  
Mike; So philosophers are magicians, is that the meaning?  
  
John; No!! Philosophers don't have shows at Las Vagues, so they can't be magicians. Use your head..  
  
Mike; But some are logicians  
  
John; that is like saying that if x=y then y=x... It is just not so...  
  
( few second pause...)  
  
Mike; How do you know you are thinking in the first place?  
  
John; Well, neuroscience says that we aren't, all just chemicals and things  
  
Mike; So then we don't exist at all?  
  
John; Not by any objective philosophical standard at least.  
  
(after several seconds)  
  
Mike; Where is Sue, she is not here  
  
John; Well, she must be somewhere else then, for if she is not here, she can't be here... That is the law of contradiction of logic. If she is P then she can't be not p  
  
Mike; Why are you discussing her bathroom habits? I don't care when she pees or not... I just would like to see her again... What time is it?  
  
John; I don't have a watch... How should I know what time it is... I am not all knowing  
  
Mike; Well, that is a fine how-do-you-do. So we could have been here forever and a year then?  
  
John; I hope not, I have an appointment this day, the year after forever, and I do not intend to miss it for this mindless drivel  
  
Mike; What day is it?  
  
John; I can conclusively say that it is, this day, today and that the time is... ( waiting and looking on his wrist, though he has no watch)... Now ( motions in air)...  
  
Mike; How can you be so sure that it is today and not some other day, like yesterday or tomorrow or Sunday?  
  
John; Well, it can't very well be yesterday, can it? No, yesterday was done and over with ( again looking at wrist) about 2 ferlongs and seven Q-bits ago...  
  
Mike; Come now, A Cubit is a measure... ' build thee an Arch of 20 cubits' with a circumference of Pi divided by Chai  
  
John; No. the quantum Q-bit... Q-bit, not cubit, Q-bit... Anyways, this is the way it must be because it can not be any other way then this. So we can conclude that yesterday is done and done by the previously stated amount...  
  
Mike; Which was?  
  
John( Angry); How should I know?!?!? I can't be expected to know everything that I don't know, can I? Stop being so knit picky and listing to what I mean, not what I say... In any case we know, for an irrefutable fact, much like the sunrise, that it is not yesterday  
  
Mike; Hume said that the sunrise was a belief, not a fact...  
  
John; Well, good for Hume, he was wrong  
  
Mike; Why?  
  
John ( furiously); He is DEAD you dunce... He died like a few yesterdays ago and obviously if he was right he would be alive... Why would someone who is right die? Look at the people like Muhammad and Yudistera, they were right and were ushered up into heaven, alive and well... I saw it, my friend, and they were both carried aloft by god and gnomes... So how can a dead man be right?  
  
Mike; I see your point...  
  
John; Your not going to raise me any? Damn you to hell, sir... In any case, back to the obviousness of the day... It can't be tomorrow because that hasn't happened yet... For if it had happened, it would be called today or yesterday... It really doesn't exist, you know, tomorrow, I mean... The poets say all we have is now and Carpa Deoma and all that jazz...  
  
( During this scene a clown is to walk on stage. He is a sad clown. He will wonder aimlessly in a random fashion, seeming to be searching for something. Neither character takes note of his existence.)  
  
Mike; Then why do we have the past and future if all we really have is present? Is this for the same reason that my paycheck is always given in the before tax amount, the gross, which is an illusion?  
  
John; Well time is from what man finds meaning.  
  
Mike; Meaning?  
  
John; Listen if we were to just start walking on a path we wouldn't know which way we were going because we wouldn't know which way we had been. We'd have no direction, no way of ascertaining if we were a) moving at all b) moving forward and c) moving towards our goal  
  
Mike; Goal?  
  
John; Yes, why we were walking in the first place  
  
Mike( melancholy); You never said why we were on the path in the first place.  
  
John( infuriated); I can't answer that for you!!! You have to figure that out for yourself  
  
Mike; How do I know if I am right?  
  
( The clown has seen both of them and made it's way to the table. It is now shuffling through the content of the table and looking under chairs and things)  
  
John; Does it matter?? Just as long as your going somewhere, why should it matter where ?  
  
Mike; Hmm... But..... No.... As a matter.... SO then I said..... YOU AND WHAT ARMY!!!!!  
  
(During John's speech, the clown lifts his one foot, then his other and then the same with his arms. John takes no notice.)  
  
John; In any case there are 2 possibilities, as I see it. Either the stuff that goes on in the world that is not us, or what happens when were not there to see it happen, is completely random and chaotic and it is our minds that... Are you listening to me?  
  
Mike( going through food eating cycle again); Sorry, I wasn't listening  
  
John ( Voice grows more anger); The past and the future are humanities attempts to validate it's actions. The ideas of past and future lend context from which we act out of in the present. It is from the past and future that we deduce why we are here now and what to do when we are here. We take from these two abstractions are vary existence. They are the things that make reality work  
  
Mike( apathetically); Oh really... Right.... Sure.... I see.... She wouldn't like that one bit... ( His voice changes to utter anguish and pain)... Ohhhh my love and madam, whose hair is fair, like that of a bus price and whose eyes are the depths that match my soles, of the shoes I wear... Why have you left me and not come to me...  
  
( Clown goes to leave. Hits table and causes neuroscience book to fall the ground. Exit right clown)  
  
John( stunned): Did you see that?  
  
Mike: What?  
  
John; My book fell, of it's own accord.  
  
Mike; They say angels caste out of paradise become demons. Suppose your book has become a demon, for it fell from the table.  
  
John; Don't be absurd. Still though, it shouldn't work... I mean the inverse square of the gravity constant and action at a distance and all that. It shouldn't have occurred that way. It can't have. The book must still be on the table and the book on the ground must be a phantom of my mind  
  
Mike; Why?  
  
John( desperately); Because Newton said that everything has a cause, all action... stuff in rest stays that way and visa versa...  
  
Mike; Tell that to my mother  
  
John; Then tell me what happened, damn you. If the universe itself is not mechanistic that what hope do we have of understanding it. Everything must follow Newton... ( horrified)... It must, it simply must be the way it is, out of necessity. For if it could be any other way that what it is now, then you and I are responsible for it's being this way. Don't you see, we'd have to find truth and meaning and all that on our own!! We would not have a standard and a cannon to judge things with, it would all be mere... (spitefully) fancy...  
  
Mike; Must it work the way Newton said or can reality work in some other way?  
  
John; What other way?! Do you suppose a clown who was sad and who walked in during the time conversation bumped it on his way off to la la land?  
  
Mike; I have no reason to assume contraire  
  
John( furious); Did you perceive a clown?!? I didn't, so we can use science and say that there was no clown and that the book fell because of a...... Well.... Obviously a disturbance in the earths magnetic field caused a butterfly to flap it's wings which, in turn, made Castro turn Cuba communist and caused the war of 1812 and that led to... ( deep in thought... Suddenly he has the answer and he knows it. Excitedly)... QUANTOM TUNNLING!!! See, perfect explanation.  
  
Mike; Right  
  
John; Damn right  
  
Mike( in misery); I miss my love...  
  
John; Who do you refer to?  
  
Mike( in perfectly normal voice); What now?  
  
John; Who is 'your love'?  
  
Mike; Your in love?!?! When did this happen and who is the young man or maden that it is with? When is the wedding and which way to the funeral, my good and godly man... You have found love and that, as the Saint would say, is always kind... So it will be kind to me and buy me some new food, this old stuff is thinning fast and quickly... Out with it, who is this love of your life?  
  
John; Not 'your love' as in my love, 'your love' as in your love...  
  
Mike; That makes no sense, sir... For I am me, obviously and you are you, therefore your love means the love that belongs to you and you can't say what you just said with logic at your call, like the furies were at the call of FDR...  
  
John( exasperated); What do you call yourself?  
  
Mike; What did I call myself or what do others call me?  
  
John( tired); Is there a difference?  
  
Mike; Well yes, I call myself me and I but you can't do that, for you are you, not I and you and I can not be the same and so, consequently, must differ in some subtle but firm way...  
  
John; then what do others call you?  
  
Mike; I... Do I know?? I am I, and can't tell you what I am relative to anything but me...  
  
John; Just forget it.... ( They each go back to their own actions, as in the beginning, John thumbing from page to page)  
  
John; This book is really interesting though, let me tell you...  
  
Mike; I would not dream of trying to stop you, so what is the plot and who are the protagonist the antagonist and the antecedent cause?  
  
John; I don't follow  
  
Mike; Right, deconstructionist are we? What is the book about?  
  
John; I have never read the Bible...  
  
Mike; No. Not that ' the book' the book you are thumbing through  
  
John; Ohh... It is all about how are thoughts are not really ideas at all, they are just chemicals and electricity and stuff and these are what we term thinking... None of us really think though, it is just chemicals and stuff going on inside our heads that make us think what we think of thought and such  
  
Mike; I am not sure, with or without chemicals, that I have ever thought what I am not thinking about, at any given time... What is the plot of this Comedy?  
  
John; There is not a plot. Such a superfluous thing doesn't belong to texts such as these...  
  
Mike; How can there be a story with no plot?!! Now you have gone too far sir... Way to far...  
  
John; It isn't that kind of book... It is a...  
  
Mike; Ohh, book of poems, I see... That explains it all...  
  
John; How do you mean, poems?  
  
Mike; You know ABBA CCDD IJKLMNOP QRSTU WX 123 type stuff... see what I mean? You have Iambic pentameter and free style rap and stuff... that kind of stuff...  
  
John; Must it rhyme?  
  
Mike; John Milton, maybe your uncle or something, wrote Paradise lost without rhyming words... SO I guess not  
  
John; Who lost paradise?  
  
Mike; Milton seemed to think that it was some guy named Satan who did it... Really quite a sad tale... I think they looked all over, even at like the lost and found but no one returned it....  
  
John; Shame, real shame...  
  
Mike; Yea, and the worst part is the way it was lost...  
  
John( indulging his comrade); Go on  
  
Mike; Milton said that his muse said that God said that there was a big fight over power or something like that  
  
John; Power over what?  
  
Mike; Heaven, I guess  
  
John; Does power really matter that much? I mean a king and a fesant are still both going to die, so how is a king better off then the bird? It is just a clever trick of the mind, an illusion  
  
Mike; In any case Satan, being the noble hero, is thrown out of heaven a failure, for this is tragedy you see, and they find themselves, Satan and his drooges that is, in a bad resort. The AC is broken and, at the same time, it is too hot outside so you can have neither pleasure without enduring excess. So Satan gets this plan to go and trick these idiots out of their birth right and gets them to ear this fruit.  
  
John; Was the fruit bad, I mean had it gone bad?  
  
Mike; No, it was knowledge of good and evil, in fruit form... As a bit of an aside I have tried it in fruit punch with dire consequences... But this fruit caused them to realize that there was more then now and then they, after this, noticed the other was naked and were like... you know...  
  
John; No, I don't  
  
Mike( embarrassed and looking for words); Well... You see... Um... they found pleasure in the other  
  
John ; You mean like what were doing now? Because I am not finding much pleasure in this...  
  
Mike; Let's just move on  
  
John; To where?  
  
Mike; Where we were headed?  
  
John; We were going somewhere?  
  
Mike; I hoped you knew  
  
John; suppose we past it already?  
  
Mike; Maybe we should go back to the beginning...  
  
John; So what does this poetry do, what function does it serve?  
  
Mike; What now  
  
John; That was the start of this line of inquire, wasn't it? Poetry, or was it tax exemptions? I can never recall.  
  
Mike; No, poetry sounds right  
  
John; So what function does poetry have?  
  
Mike; Do we have functions?  
  
John; Darwin said we were to procreate, so that must be our function... It is logical, yes?  
  
Mike( thinks for a few moments); I would just assume procreate with Sue and not you, no offense... It is just that Sue and I...  
  
John; Which Sue  
  
Mike; How many are there?  
  
John; Four  
  
Mike; For what? For the purpose of procreation or for something else. For I shall smite thee or what?  
  
John; Never mind... So what is it that poetry does  
  
Mike; It well, it makes you feel...  
  
John; Feel?  
  
Mike; Yes, a wonderful thing really... I warn you though, it is a drug and the withdrawl is really hard... You get so high and so low and feel so much that it almost makes you real  
  
John; What do you mean real?  
  
Mike; You and I are currently defining one another and that is how we are sure we exist... We find meaning from the other and purpose, feeling lets you find it on your own... Without those damnable training wheels...  
  
( Suddenly a person runs in. She is a woman. She wears a toga and angel wings which are clearly cardboard. She runs from stage left to stage right and then back to stage left. She is just about to leave when she sees the other two at the table... They, meanwhile, have begun doing the same actions as they did in the opening of the play)  
  
Woman; What is this now? I find my two Gundarvas sitting here doing nothing when I sent for you... Come, we must fight the forces of evil... Even as I speak they are being gathered by Lilith, queen of the Djinn and prince of the Rockshacks... Hurry to arms my noble fighters ( neither one makes any deviations from their actions) Did you not hear me? We are going to lose you fools... I said to arms...  
  
John( To mike); Who is this then?  
  
Mike; I thought she was a phantasm of my mind but if you see her, then she must exist... Why if we both see her, what more proof is there then that...  
  
John; She must have a reason for being  
  
Mike; Why? What is your obsession with reason... Can something simply be without having a reason to be... Is not the act of being enough to ensure it's purpose??  
  
Woman( very proudly); I am called Polaris, leader of the Celestial armies and keeper of the gates of Nirvana and Elysium, though my stupid half sister got the gates of Avalon... In any case I have come to suppress the armies of darkness and you will aid me in my fight... Let us be off, for I hear to Valekeries horn...  
  
Mike; Why are you doing all this now?  
  
Woman; Because they must be stopped. The forces must be prevented from existing...  
  
John; How can something not exist that exists now? Is existence itself now fleeting? ( arrogantly to Mike)See, existence does not mean purpose, old man... Now what is this about light and dark? ( to Mike, not aware that she can hear them speaking) Doesn't every light cast a shadow, somewhere??  
  
Mike( to john); I would assume so... I don't know for sure...  
  
Woman( Upset); Don't you know who I am?!?!  
  
Mike; No, tell us please... And tell us who we are two... Of course I only speak for myself though ( nods at john)  
  
Woman; How should I know who you are  
  
John; you have perception and perception is as close to reality as we can seem to get right now, so what we are perceived to be, we must be. It is for this reason that I wear my suit, for our state have decreed that all who wear suits are successful and happy...  
  
Mike; Are you happy?  
  
John; Are you asking me?  
  
Mike; Who else would know the answer to the question ' are you happy'?  
  
John; Is this a trick question or some such thing?  
  
Mike; No, just a normal question  
  
John; If I can't answer it objectively, how should I answer it?  
  
Mike; Is happiness itself objective?  
  
John; It must be, or else it can't be real  
  
Mike; But some people are happy in money and others hate it. How can it do both?  
  
John; I am not a... person who one asks about such things. I have no expertise, so I will say I do not know if I am happy  
  
Mike; So where does that leave you  
  
John; Stop it!!! No more thinking, let us merely act  
  
Mike; Yes!! That is it, let's just act. But act from what...  
  
Woman(infuriated); Listen to me!!! The world will soon end and then all will be cast down from on high into the pit... Don't you care about the world and yourselves? Happiness is not an issue  
  
Mike; Well then, why act? The world ehh? What is that, 'the world'?  
  
Woman; It is what's outside of these walls... Haven't you ever set foot outside here  
  
Mike( Horrified and angered); I daresay no... That would shame my whole line and make the straight path crooked, so says the poet... Leave, leave what are we somewhere and how can we be anywhere then where we are now? How can here not be here?  
  
John; Here here  
  
Woman; I am the...  
  
John; Yes, that is your title, but who are you? Are you the sum of your title... If that is so then that is what we are missing, sir, neither of us have titles...  
  
Mike; I may well have had one, but I forgot it long ago...  
  
Woman; Listen to me! Your words may be pretty but now is the time to act, not to think. We must destroy the army of darkness for the good of light. Lucifer must pay  
  
Mike; For what?  
  
Woman(exasperated); for this, this world of pain and misfortune and misery...  
  
Mike; Could the world be any other way  
  
Woman; Of course  
  
Mike; But is it not through conflict that we come to understand things. We know pain through pleasure, life through death and good through evil. A Greek once said that war was the source of everything.  
  
Woman; War only causes destruction...  
  
Mike; And yet how can there be creation without destruction? How can there be life without pain. The equation has 2 parts, for if god made man, then Lucifer made man human  
  
John; Do you know what you just said?  
  
Mike; Nothing important, just empty words through at the void  
  
John; Why?  
  
Mike; To prove my own existence to a universe that would doubt it  
  
John; Perhaps we have outlived our purpose. The universe is a large clock, so says Newton taken to his extreme, and perhaps you and I are gears that don't turn. Look at her, she has a reason for prolonged existence, a thesis to her life. We on the other hand are baring and cold. We find no truth or only empty ones in everything. A poet said that if you are not being born, then your dying. And yet who is it who is born out of us. We have been together so long that I can not define myself apart from you. We are trapped in the futility of a purposeless existence  
  
Mike; Perhaps that poetry....  
  
( the woman during this conversation is gesturing franticly and attempting to say something but she never gets a chance and so remains in mute gestures)  
  
John; What do you suppose it was?  
  
Mike; If I knew that I would have a truth so real that I could destroy the demons of doubt. I could drive a stake through the vampiretic heart of skepticism and end faithlessness forever. Alas I know not what I speak  
  
John; Then how do you know you speak in the fist place?  
  
Mike; I assume it, it is all I can really do... How can I know reality without perception and what is perception but faith in my senses... I know only that every Tuesday is cupon day at the store that rents movies.  
  
John; Obviously one of very few empirical facts...  
  
Woman; So you would sooner parish then help me...  
  
John; I haven't been in church since...( looks up and begins counter on fingers, in no particular pattern... after a few seconds he removes his left shoe and begins counting on his toes...) 19...1066, when Will of apple, maybe, conquered England....  
  
Mike; A sad day...  
  
Woman; No, parish as in cease to be... fade into nothingness...  
  
John; You can't just fade into nothingness, nothingness isn't a thing  
  
Mike; Yes it is  
  
John; No it is not  
  
Mike( more forcefully); Yes it is  
  
John( raising out of chair); No it isn't  
  
Mike( fully erect and yelling); Yes it is  
  
( the woman looks at both them, mumbles something and then runs, in the same bizzar manor off stage...)  
  
John( In a fighting position with hands raised); NO IT ISN'T  
  
( Mike hits John on the face, John falls over table, glass plates and trays fall to the ground. John lands on the ground... Mike looks about... Runs to left, to right, back to left... )  
  
Mike; STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH YOUR EYES, YOU FOWL BIRDS!!! ( runs off stage, end of act one)  
  
Act 2: 


End file.
